1.20 – Ma Ke Kahakai / Shore

At Ko’olau Mountain Range in O’Ahu, Danno says This is not a hike, Steven, as the camera cuts to Danno’s Pompadour and Steve McGarrett’s Cargo Pants as they run up the side of a hill.  Are they running away from something?

I agree with Danno.  The Oxford definition of hike is a long walking tour, which is not running through bush.  Because men possess a whole other lexicon, my (all male) American cousins did this to me once, asked me for a “hike”.  In the blink of an eye I was suddenly hanging off the side of a mountain in Denver free-climbing, crying and asking God to forgive me for all of my sins.  I refused to talk them the entire ride home because to every question I wanted to answer I COULD HAVE DIED YOU PR!CKS.

Because he’s never interacted with a woman before, McG imagines that Danno will one day bring Gracie here when she’s older.  Rightfully, Danno corrects that Gracie’s gonna wanna pedicure anna manicure.  She’s not interested in goin’ to look at ole graffiti on rocks.  Actually, Danny?  She’ll be at home $ex Skyping her boyfriend and telling you she’s studying.

Also, have I mentioned that Danny is wearing a crispy white t-shirt for a hike in the jungles of Hawaii?  Additionally, McG is carrying another purse on his back.  When I was younger, I believed that all jungles were located in Africa.  I also believed that Palestine was in Europe and regularly referred to myself as a “European” until my mother told me that we are from the Middle East and made me cry because I had already solidified this Eurocentric vision of the world as taught everywhere but where non-Haoles are bred.

When McG was younger, his father used to abuse him by forcing him to a hike up this same trail.  He still remembers the first time he beat his pops to the punch and reached the top of the summit first.  When Danno asks wassamatter with an ole fashion game of baseball I start screaming exactly as I would had someone set me on fire.

Have any of you attended a baseball game?  After curling, it’s the stupidest and most unfulfilling spectator sport in the world.  Curlers, however are great.  CURLERS!!  CALL ME!!  One of my girlfriends married a manager of a professional baseball team, and so I only once attended a game.  I am still recovering from the PTSD inflicted on my person after spending four hours of watching absolutely nothing.

Wait.  Hold on…I am suddenly having a dance-off with one really hot brunette with freckles and a smile that lights up my screen.  I am wearing knee-highs and converse, she in proper dancing attire beating my chicken dance like no one’s business.  She may be doing some $exy interpretive dance — which, whatever it is, she’s winning a baseball date with Danno, who picks her up in that silver car with breasted lights and I am left behind with McG as consolation prize.  Have fun lmk66 (also, my pleasure.)  P.S. To anyone wishing for me to inject them into a future episode, please kindly note the FAQ.

Back to 5-0.  McG recently had a haircut; I think he asked for feathers which are working some majic around his pretty face.  Danno took the time to gel his pompadour for the hike.  Neither of these dumbos is wearing a hat.

McGarrett tells Danno to stop talking and enjoy the view, which is — admittedly — breath taking.  Everything here remains exactly the same for McG, except that his dad is now killered.  Danny is respectfully quiet as McG explains that he received another envelope with a matchbook previously inside of his father’s Champ Toolbox.  I have yet to see episodes 8 – 18 inclusive, and so I believe I am missing a very large piece of some puzzle…?  I guess the Toolbox was stolen and no one told me.

Sidebar: I want to take some kohl and squiggle it in McG’s eyes because he has the perfect eyes for kohl.  And…though I know some of you would disagree, kohl is SEXY on a man (in a photo shoot or in bed, just not on the streets unless in Morocco).

It seems that McG deludes himself into believing that someone wants to help him nab Woo Fat.  I suspect that Danny’s pompadour is spot on when he says that he instead believes Woo Fat is trying to lure McG.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee start running, again.  Why?  Why are these people running?  The rocks aren’t going anywhere.  I would hate to date McG, if this is what a day out entails.  Bad enough my hair will fuzz out in the Hawaiian climate, I don’t need to be all sweaty before he has a go at me and makes me sweaty.

They arrive at some rocks, and McNerd starts: The ancient Hawaiians called this Kee Hoo Poo Aww Koo.  It means images in the stone.  This is Hoe New, the turtle…TURTLE!!  HEY TURTLE!!  CALL ME!!  I love turtles.

These drawings look suspiciously like the drawings made by episode 6’s Kaw Poo to mark their territory.  With such Fun Facts occupying my brain, I am officially fkn useless.

Danno’s reaction to this McNerding is exactly as mine would be, only I would also ask: “Now that I’ve run around with you like a dumbo, will you please remove your pants?”, and cry if he refuses.

McG eye$exes something over Danny’s shoulder and I guess he has a 6th sense because apparently, there’s someone over the edge and I have no idea how he saw this thing, considering they are at different elevations. Did something get lost on the editing room floor, like circling birds?

It is a man, and McG straps on a harness, shoots down the side of the cliff, and confirms that the individual is dead.

Hawaii 5-0 sings.

The dead man has a gunshot wound, and there appears to be no indication (at the top where Danno remains) that a struggle occurred.  With no signs of struggle at the top, they intuit he was dumped from a helicopter. (Can a helicopter get so close to a cliff? Would his bones be broken?) Danny takes a photo and then recommends they go for a leisurely stroll before calling anyone about the dead body. And there, ladies and gents, is your first WTF moment of this episode.

Strangely, McG doesn’t disagree, but rather asks Danno to “take up the slack” on his rope so that he may climb back up.

Bad things are going to happen. Like the time I went indoors climbing with a friend and I was spotting him.  I started laughing and accidentally let the rope go too fast so he fell a few feet and was traumatized. This made me laugh even harder and thanks God for the soft mattresses on which falling people may land because of utterly useless spotters such as I. For the rest of the ride home, he wouldn’t talk to me because he kept wanting to yell I COULD HAVE DIED, YOU PR!CK!  We are no longer friendly.

Danno is much too hunched over and close to the edge; if he makes one miscalculated move, he’ll flop right over, take out McG and both of them will die. But that’s not what happens because @plenkov is a real person. What does happen, however, is that — hilariously — Steve takes a boulder to his (My God!) pretty face. WRITER!! If you wrote this script, please let me take you out for a drink. I can’t believe you made him take a boulder to the face. Brilliant.

Continued on page 2.

73 responses to “1.20 – Ma Ke Kahakai / Shore

  1. Pingback: Hawaii 5-0 Season 1 recaps | Hawaii 5-0 Sardonic Recaps

  2. Love your blog, Sardonic! :) I’ll bookmark your site for future preferences. You haven’t some of the eps so I’ll try not to spoil you. But yes, the Toolbox was stolen, and was later found empty.

    In response to “Because he’s never interacted with a woman before, McG imagines that Danno will one day bring Gracie here when she’s older. ..”
    You’ve seen Nalowale before so you know McG has a part-time girlfriend.

    • Thank you, Overdamoon!

      Thanks for the info — I look forward to catching up :)

      Yes, of course McG has McPanty Destroyed many women, including the lucky “Cath” :) — he is, however, my most favourite character to sardonically poke. Be forewarned, to take it with much humor (especially when I call him McNerd).

      Thanks for popping by and enjoy the rest of the recaps; also, please don’t yell at me for thinking McG needs more hair on his chest as I cry very easily :)

      hugs & giggles,
      m

  3. This is the first episode I watched after learning Alex was Aussie. Thus, this is the first epi I watched not.entirely.for.the.plot. I was not disappointed! McG is truly a v v beautiful man in this episode! Kimmer did ya get a good look at the neck? **sigh**

    I loved it when he told Danny to shut up and look around. Truly if Danny would stop complaining so much and “look” at what Hawaii has to offer, he probably wouldn’t hate it so bad. Any time you wanna trade places brah..lemme know! Danny CALL ME!

    Forget the fact McG didn’t break his face and only his arm. I am just thankful he didn’t break the FOY! That could have been a devastating fall. True.story.

    • AOL looked v v handsome, and v v young in the beginning of this epi. And when I watched this one, I reeeaallly realized how v v much I want to go to HI.

  4. I love your writing style. Since H50 relies heavily on humor as well it is a perfect fit for your type of style.

    A couple of things I noticed too about Steve’s cliff dive. He was repelling down with the rope knotted and hooked into his belt but when he fell and landed the rope was gone. Now I understand that the rope would have pulled out of Danny’s hands with the force of Steve’s fall but how did the rope un-knot itself and un-hook itself from his belt in the 10 seconds it too for him to land???

    Then there is the military duct tape. I understand why he splinted his arm, smart thing to do, but I would not want to be him when they had to get that tape off! Oh, his poor hairy arms would be hurtin’ bad when they pulled that tape off!

    Anyway, keep writing these reviews. They are hysterically funny. Good job!

  5. I noticed the rope thing last nite too. Also that it was never McHandsome Devil in peril. It was all the stunt man. Could be why the thighs and bum did not look right to me. Sad but true.story.

    Maybe he is used to the hair being ripped out from all the chest waxing. Oh wait they don’t wax, just trim it down. Either way i’m starting to agree with Maha. Leave the chest hair alone! What were we talking about?

    • This is fkn monumental, this moment. PLEASE LET THE RECORD SHOW that there is ONE other person who thinks that Alex O’Loughlin needs to leave his chest hair alone. As is. Normal. No trimming. No nothing. Ess? S.xing favours for you. What time works, please?

      • And you have no idea how MONUMENTAL it is for me to type that! Holy sh*t!

      • Can I just say, I love that there is a place in the world of the internet where people talk about the amount of chest hair AOL has.

        • Someone just posted on my FEED entry that at a particular frame number, you can see the FOY.
          Seems there is a place for everything.

          Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
          Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

          • I dunno if I could watch Feed. I eventually got around to watching Requiem for a Dream though so maybe one day I’ll check it out.

            • I’ve seen some clips of Feed on youtube.

              Not quite ready for the full movie just yet.

              • Understandable :)

                Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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            • Requiem for a dream made my teeth chatter. Hated it. Feed is much much much better.

              Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
              Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

          • Yeah, um. Well it proved that the drapes didnt’ match the carpet in that movie. *giggle* but a REAL view of the FOY? Not really. But …a little! I was beginning to think I was the only one who saw that.

            Alex says that originally he was supposed to play the Aussie cop who WAS full frontal..several times. That would have been a completely different movie.

            “Seems there is a place for everything.” – I have a place for the FOY. true.story.

            • Wuh? I saw that film *several* times, but NOT ONCE did I see peen. Not on the copper…!
              Am I blind or is he teeny tiny?

              Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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        • P.S. B.tches! Say hi to my momma — she’s a beauty queen. For reals:

          http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2011/07/mama

          xxxxxooooo
          Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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        • Oh yeah. There’s also a photo of me as a baby. I was a cute little fkr.

          Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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          • I saw a few minutes ago. Your mama was a goddess! Who was that funny looking little kid in the next pic??

            :)

            • Right? I even *looked* like a goof as a kid.
              Yeah. My mama’s a fkn goddess, for sure. If I looked like her, I would have to beat Alex O off w a stick.

              “Beat Alex O off…”
              You are all v welcome.

              Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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              • Ah, you were adorable. Still are…your mama isn’t the only beauty in your family.

                I wouldn’t be using a stick. Just saying :)

                • But you would be beating. DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
                  :) (thx)
                  Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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              • ““Beat Alex O off…”
                You are all v welcome.”

                Sh.t, i had something witty and cute to say until I read that. Lost all train of thought now.

                • I know.
                  My ovaries are screaming in hysterical anticipation.

                  Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
                  Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

          • Them some good genes in your fams. :)

  6. LOL…I’m not completely sure…kinda lost my train of thought there for a moment.

    But I will say one thing for realism on this episode. That broken arm LOOKED BAD!!!!! Don’t know if it was makeup or CGI or a bit of both but it looked just awful and very painful! Whoever did that did a good job!

    • it did look bad! I think thats why a lot of ppl were asking if he had really broken his arm. I appreciated that they kept the continuity for at least one episode where he was still in the cast.

  7. I agree about his chest hair too. I love it and if you were to ever see my husband, you’d know why LOL.

    I have also often wondered if, when negotiating his contact, Alex insisted he be allowed to show his tats! What a pain in the ass it must have been for him to have to cover them for almost everything he starred in outside of Australia!

    • Linda! Good to “see” you here @sardonic!

      The broken arm did look pretty nasty – I think it was makeup, but somehow they made it look like it wasn’t straight.

      I wouldn’t mind a tad more chest hair for McG in S2. But not too much.

      • Listen.
        I’m not interested in an ape. Just a little more beast, if you know what I mean. Raor.

        See above for perfect illustration of my Nerd.

        Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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    • I would like to negotiate a Pantsless Clause, please. CONTRACT!! CALL ME!!

      On Tue Jul 12th, 2011 11:08 AM PDT

  8. No more chest hair for McG. He is almost perfect as is!
    Perfect would be pantsless.

    • Pantsless + dancing.

      Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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  9. M-Granny reporting. It looked like all this Hell took place in one day since he was wearing the same shirt (but then again he’s been known to wear the same clothes for days) when Big K picked him up (along with his ice for lunch) at the hospital right through until the evening when McBooBoo tossed the chubby dad to the ground…..with a broken/shattered arm. I know these SEALs are superhuman, but couldn’t he of at least shown he was in a wee bit of pain every once in awhile? G

    • Amazing! His Panty Destruction has no end.
      Thanks for the clarification, Granmama! XOXOXOXO
      Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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  10. HOLY BMI !! Someone throw McLeanMachine a cookie quick! I just read somewhere that he’s down to 7% body fat. Good God, who’s his trainer….Attilla the Hun?? Saw him on E Entertainment last night and he did look gorgeous & he said he’s never felt better, but being this muscular and almost 6.2″, his weight of 175 lbs. seems really low. We’ll see come S.2. Gotta give our man credit, he’s damn dedicated. Or maybe addicted……or quite possibly insane. Grandmama

  11. M – Your Mother is really a real beauty on the outside as well as the inside..just like her daughter. Thanks so much for sharing. She really is stunning. Blond?? You are just full of all kinds of tricks, aren’t you little one? Granny xoxo

    • Thank you so much Granmama. Love my moms something fierce — most of my sense of humor comes from her :)

      Yes. Blond. Crazy right?!

      Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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  12. how many times did McG have to tell Danno to “take up the slack” – was it a mistrust issue or is McG a little Rain Man?

  13. Danny, maybe Gracie monkey will be like me, for I have never had these, what do you call them, manicures or pedicures…..having said that, I have no desire to go hiking either, but y’all can take me to the baseball. :) Yankees baby.

  14. Sidebar How Exciting, Just found this info.
    Barring revisions this is what was submitted to the BBFC for inclusion on the Hawaii 5-0 DVD

    Running Time Special Features
    00:11:37:12 HAWAII FIVE-0 – LEGACY (VAM)
    00:27:08:04 PICTURE PERFECT: THE MAKING OF THE PILOT (VAM)
    00:06:21:13 INSIDE COMIC-CON (VAM)
    00:15:14:17 ALOHA ACTION! (VAM)
    00:30:27:00 SHORE LINES: THE STORY OF SEASON 1 (VAM)
    00:06:46:17 INSIDE THE BOX (VAM)
    00:05:23:21 GRACE PARK’S HAWAIIAN TOUR (VAM)
    00:01:26:05 (EASTER EGG – PIDGIN)
    00:07:42:11 HAWAII FIVE-0 – SEASON 1 GAG REEL (VAM)
    00:42:10:20 DELETED SCENES (VAM)

    VAM = Value Added Material

    Gag Reel – FUN FUN FUN!!!

  15. Wait, am I seeing that right??? 42 minutes of deleted scenes AND 8 minutes of gag reel!?!?! WOW that IS awesome!!!!

  16. I hope “The Making of the Pilot” tells us how they shot that stunt we all love – McG sliding his butt across two crashing cars. We’ve been wanting to know how they did this one for months now. That gag reel has got to be priceless. Can’t wait. G

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