1.16 – El Malama page 4

Daniel finds the Housing Commissioner at a restaurant and he McG’s him straight back into the kitchen.

Eeeek! I am so excited by this scene! EEEEK!

Daniel is raging and it’s so sexy. I need help; in the form of serious therapy.

This Housing Commissioner is at least two feet taller than Scott Caan who is still managing to crush this scene. My favourite part when he slaps his badge atop the Housing Commissioner’s head and tells him that if he ever places a gun even in the same zip-code as Gracie, he will kill him. Thing is? I completely believe that Daniel would do it, too.

Chin Ho Kelly and Julie exit the Jungle and make their way into some garage where they conveniently find a motorcycle around ten times bigger than them both. Their hair is still a mess.

Chin siphons gas from the large green tractor because the motorcycle is empty. Just then, the Faux HPD pulls up in a red truck; Chin has lost both his mobile and his gun and so grabs instead a shovel to dig his way through to China and from there take a flight back in time for Julie to witness.

Or not. Chin takes down the Faux HPD by shoveling him in the family jewels. Suddenly, there is some sort of redneck after them, but Chin has grabbed the Faux HPD’s gun and shooting ensues. He yells for Julie to get on the motorcycle and they bust out of the barn or whatever it is with a lot of jet fuel behind them because the motorcycle was manufactured in 1000 A.D.

The Hawaiian Jungle is 12 feet by 16 feet and so McG happens to be just by the side of the road when Chin, Julie and her slit race past and are being chased by the redneck. Chin spots McG and so much for those camouflage tire marks across your face, love. Were you sporting a maxipad cover, your chances at ‘incognito’ would have been far better.

McG takes out the redneck and this poor actor has to then be carried by McG and dumped on the side of the road. Really can’t imagine that was either fun or left him with a fuzzy feeling on the inside of his tummy.

Chin and Julie round back to McG and all three jump into the truck and make it to the Courthouse in time for Julie to witness.

The Pretty Prosecutor is a fashionista and a b.tch because she doesn’t say hello, thank you 5-0s, or thanks God you’re alive, Julie — sorry your FBI lover was killered earlier this morning, shall I get you a hot milk or something? and instead eyes Julie and mumbles that she has a pair of shoes and a sweater in her car.

I think: If you were really clever, Prosecutor (I have dropped the ‘Pretty’), you would have had Julie witness from a remote location, via video conference. Shove that in your briefcase next to your extra sweater and shoes.

Julie hugs Chin and thanks him and I really like Julie. JULIE!! SKYPE ME!!

Also, I just noticed that Alex O’Loughlin has gray matter in his hair. Is it dust or is this man going gray? I like the gray; it really brings out the tire on his face.

OMG. I have just placed this actress playing the character of Julie. She is on True Blood as sire to that short man BEEEEE-EEEEEL who is engaged to SUCK-EH. I love this connection; this actress is really a wonder. HI ACTRESS!! CALL ME!! I think you’re great.

At H50 HQ, Kono figures out that the woman about whom I earlier wrote: The Defense Attorney’s blond side-kick who is wearing far too much maquillage appears to recognize Kono. Surely, she will have a role to play later in this episode. is in fact one of those involved in the plot to assassinate Julie.

Camera cuts to the Courthouse with the blond side-kick lying that Brenner wants a deal (he gives up ten names and goes to prison for life, rather than being executed which is odd because Hawaii doesn’t even have the death penalty). Julie accepts this deal and when Prosecutor asks where the main counsel is, the blond says he’s in the room, tanning, we can get his signature there.

A running Kono is on the telephone with McG telling him that “the cleaner” is this blond wearing far too much maquillage and who appears to have either had too much plastic surgery or just shapes her eyebrows all wrong for her face. McG jumps directly into the air, spins his legs and bolts forward.

Wiley Coyote tweets: I taught McG everything he knows.

In the “room” where the Prosecutor and Julie are expecting to find a tanning Defense attorney, likely in peach speedos, the Plastic Blond co-counsel instead pulls a gun from her garter belt. I am suddenly rolling my eyes; just makes these femmes, femmes, not so cartoonishly fatale, please.

Normal girls can be killers too, folks.

Kono arrives just in the nick of time and takes care of business. McG and Chin follow suit and are duly impressed with how Kono handed the blond her a$s. Then, I think, Kono turns around and just leaves. Again, no hellos and no goodbyes make the rounds on Hawaii 5-0.

Daniel delivers Step Stan to Claire van der Boom who is wearing a really fantastic dress. Gracie runs out and says “I love you Danno” and though I tend to find children really stupid more often than not, this little actress’ face warms my heart because she reminds me a little bit of my own cousin who I adore to bits and pieces.

Daniel covers for Step Stan a little bit…but only a little bit, and he watches as this man enters into the home he wishes were his. I am sad for Daniel, and I hope that one day Claire van der Boom will leave the douche who name drops Cipriano’s for the meat and potatoes man who loves “butter, cream, chocolate and some more butter.”

At the courthouse, Julia witnesses and I wonder if she and Chin will eventually get jiggy with it.

We fade to black.

Want more? Find all recaps here…

91 responses to “1.16 – El Malama page 4

  1. I too hate Step Stan…however, he is the only thing standing between Danno and Rachel getting back together, so I continue to send him HairClub for Men gift cards to keep him happy. Don’t judge me.

    Much love on another great recap!

  2. “McG jumps directly into the air, spins his legs and bolts forward.

    Wiley Coyote tweets: I taught McG everything he knows. ”

    This made me laugh so hard ! HAHAHA … such a visual

    thanks for another great recap … I think I will have to print all of these, keep them with the DVDs, and read them before I re-watch an episode … so fun!

    • Yes! You are among so many who have said they will read them, then re-watch the epi, or vice versa. I really think you should do that — like having me sitting next to you and commenting for the duration of the epi. Because ultimately, it’s about me Cyndi — and not the show. :) xxo

  3. I really liked the actress who played Julie and the character too. Pretty tough little chicklette and she looked damn good for running wounded and shoeless through the stifling jungle. Well, you might look better scampering through the jungle M. I think Julie and Chin would make a dynamite couple.
    Besides sheep, did you happen to run into any ghosts in Scotland? I’ve been told it’s quite the haunted country. Hysterical recap as per usual. LOL , Granny.

    • Yes, the actress was really great.
      And yes, I would look better, but would have to keep my hair tamed. I am inclined to FUZZY HEAD as my photo clearly indicates. MAUREEN!! CALL CBC!!

      As per Scotland. Honestly, the place we stumbled into was scary as sh!t. It almost looked like a place you would take someone and chain them — no one would ever ever find them. There was residue everywhere and I took some pics that when I saw later, freaked me out so I ripped them up. I like to exist in a state of oblivion, thank you.

  4. I think the housing commissioner had no idea what Danno was talking about….Step Stan sent him on wild goose chase. Which is more fun after a Grey Goose and cranberry. But, I digress…. Step Stan was trying to make a deal to get more money to keep Rach Hell in her Neiman Marcus duds.things weren’t good and he wanted to make the spoiled brat happy…..since deal went south, he was not able to make things better and she slunk back to the guy that rocked her world instead. But, I think StepStan does love her and Gracie, so that part is sad. I’m just sayin’ ;(

    • I don’t think that the story StepStan told was completely the truth either. I think some of it might be, but that housing dude was a pasty weasel – not someone who would set that all up.

      StepStan in our KickAssCamaro – looked about as silly as LeBron would look in a MiniCooper.

      • StepStan did look a little Herman Munsterish compared to Danno.

        • I.am.in.hysterics.


          • 2 months later still feel this way- Herman Muenster sent Dudley Do-Right after Mr. I Just LIke to Eat in Restaurants. Stan is DIRTY. We will find out in 4 weeks for sure. Rach Hell ran back to Danno because she knew he would keep her safe from her -turns out to be a really dirty guy (but not in a good way). And, that final scene…still cared so for Danno at this point. Wanted to stand beside him and hold his hand at the lovey dovey family. Still don’t get how people wanted Rach Hell and Danno back together again after seeing this ep and how she treated him. WORD!

  5. Julie givin’ Chin some sugar like McG doesn’t even exist- I like a girl who appreciates a true hero- now, when I see Chin, I will only hear “Holding out for a Hero” from Bonnie Tyler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY . Maybe Julie will come back in season 2 and have sushi and Longhorn beer with Chin. P LENKOV, Make this Happen!
    You need to wonder- did Danny really want Rach Hell back or just his true love- Grace? I’m just sayin’. ;(

    • While I am all for Chin getting some sugar, I did not get her leaving the FOY hanging like that. (euphamsim intended) That was just wrong. FOY, CALL ME!!

    • I really think that Danny just wants his FAMILY back – the concept, not necessarily the actual wife. Of course, I think he definitely wants Gracie back – but he knows it is a package deal.

    • I haven’t seen this episode for awhile, but I too thought Julie and Chin made a sweet couple. But I want Chin to get back with his ex-fiancee (Malia?)
      Was she Michelle on 24?

      Jack Bauer…CALL ME!!!!!

      • Westy,I used to think i wanted Chin back with Malia but the whole getting back with the ex thing now seems so overdone…and done badly. I vote we bring Julia back.
        What episode are you guys on? Share with us so we can join in with you!

        • Ess, my reply is down below Maureen’s comments.

          One day, I WILL learn to hit the right button.

          • Westy,
            You say this but 2 months later you still havent got it right, have you. Clearly if this posts somewhere odd I will be left looking like a FKN C*NTY KOALA.

  6. ps- guess you got your wish :( “van der Boom will leave the douche who name drops Cipriano’s for the meat and potatoes man who loves “butter, cream, chocolate and some more butter.”

  7. I loved how in the barn, Chin takes his bullet proof vest off and puts it on.the.bike! Not like anyone is trying to kill Julie or anything. She didn’t need it.

    Sidebar – Alex O’Loughlin picked that actor up and threw him down like he was a feather. **panty giggle** I think s.x bootcamp Alex O style would be pretty fun too. Where do I enlist???

    Did anyone notice??? McG let Chin DRIVE!! I guess it was so he could pretty himself up. I am thinking he had some makeup remover pads in his cargo pants because the face paint was off when he got to the court house. Chin’s hair though = still a hot mess.

    • ESS … so observant of you … another thing I will have to watch for …. too funny
      “I loved how in the barn, Chin takes his bullet proof vest off and puts it on.the.bike! Not like anyone is trying to kill Julie or anything. She didn’t need it.?

    • Oh, LOL! Can you just see McG with his little Lancome makeup remover and some cotton pads! LOL!


  8. ” The Pretty Prosecutor is a fashionista and a b.tch because she doesn’t say hello, thank you 5-0s, or thanks God you’re alive, Julie” see … seeeeee … she didn’t expect Julie to show up and now she’s like all … great now I have to review my notes and do some work … and just look at this chick … coming to the court house dressed like THAT ….

    McG did look a little sad that all his efforts didn’t seem to get a thank you from Julie … she’s just playin’ hard to get … her little look back was just to make sure McG was checking out her a$$ as she headed up the stairs … Chin just THOUGHT it was for him … poor Chin …

    LOTS of SWEAT in this epi … hmmmmmmmmm

    • “her little look back was just to make sure McG was checking out her a$$ as she headed up the stairs …” – missed that! She was still diggin on the “manwich”! Must check it out. That being her look, not her @ss.

  9. I really liked Julie..what a fiesty chick. I want her to get together with Chin. He needs a spunky gal. She sure has lots of energy too. After the day she had she stilll managed to bound up stairs like a gazelle. I would have had to be brought into the courtroom on a stretcher.
    I don’t think McAllHeCanBe cared about being dissed. He was still on a high from his fun filled day of being a really big kid in a scary candy store. He was in his glory getting filthy dirty, man-handling trees, talking with his BFF, operating whilst scaring the Hell out of bad guys, shooting up vehicles, throwing killers every which way. Nope, It just doesn’t get any better for our hero.
    Oh, I don’t think McG wanted to drive that truck because after he got through with it, it certainly wasn’t the Kick-Ass-Camaro. I was surprised it still ran. I loved it when they stopped in front of the courthouse and a bunch of glass fell on the street. McG is really hard on vehicles…..and houses. G

    • Maureen I was going to reply to the first part of your post then I read “McG is really hard” and just like that I was reduced to a giggling 12 yr old hormonal pre-pubescent girl. what were we talking about? :)

  10. We’ve just had episode 20 screen last Sunday. I haven’t watched it yet*hanging my head in shame*. Well, I did watch the beginning and saw up until McG got whacked in the face by a huge rock, and then rescued by the helicopter guys and whisked away while Danno was professing his love for McG.

    I especially liked his groans when he was splinting his broken arm. McG groaning for any reason is v v exciting!

  11. Westy, you should come back here & post after you watched it so we can go over to that epi and post. I don’t know how else to be notified you posted since I haven’t previously posted there.

    There is something primally hot about him taping his arm up & groaning for sure!

  12. Ess: God, I’m going to have to put my mind in the gutter (well, truth be told it’s already there) and watch out for what I’m typing. You bad kitties turn everything sexual….what am I complaining about? Nevermind. Please continue.
    Westy: The one with McClumsey getting smacked in the face with a boulder was a pretty good episode. Kinda unbelievable, but that’s why we love our H50. Pretty tough dude to wrap up his own shattered arm. I also do not care why he’s moaning or groaning, just that he keep it up for as long as possible. I was also amazed at how he handled that duct tape with one hand and his mouth……ahh….what was i…..oh yeah, everytime I unwind the stuff it always manages to stick to itself, stick to me and winds up stuck in my hair. Fortunate for McBooBoo, the Gov. refilled his Toy Chest To Go Pack before he set out on his hike.
    Oh,if you understand what the Hell Ess is talking about (above) regarding posting, you deserve a medal, because I’m lost. Granny

    • Wait. What? Reading these posts has been quite distacting – too many things to flashback on!
      Maureen – I would TOTALLY be covered in duct tape, stuck to a rock and that dead body by the time Danno had gotten back – if that were me, plus none of the tape would have gotten on the actual splint for my arm. Ooh – or stuck to McG, now there’s an idea…
      And, if I may try to interpret ESS’s post to Westy, I think that she wants Westy to 1) know what episode is repeating in the US 2) Go to that episodes recap the week it repeats and; 3) post a comment to state what episode aired in Australia that week so that we can 4) go to THAT episodes recap and post comments along with Westy. Makes perfect sense to me – ;)

  13. “And, if I may try to interpret ESS’s post to Westy, I think that she wants Westy to 1) know what episode is repeating in the US 2) Go to that episodes recap the week it repeats and; 3) post a comment to state what episode aired in Australia that week so that we can 4) go to THAT episodes recap and post comments along with Westy. Makes perfect sense to me – ;)”

    You make it all sound so simple! I just watched episode 20, and left one teeny comment.

  14. Westy I am much more talkative. I made several posts. :) I loved this episode!

  15. Kimmer: “I would totally be stuck to a rock & that dead body before Danno returned” OMG that is so funny. I can see it now and I would be right next to ya. I love my duct tape, but Lord, it always gets the best of me. If the two of us wanted to duct tape our boy (that is a wonderful idea by the way) we would need help, because you know the only people that would be stuck together would be us. FYI, it’s not easy getting that crap out of your hair and the removal process hurts like Hell. G

  16. As someone who has broken her arm I certainly did not then go around that very same night engaging people in fights. I couldn’t even get my arm through my school dress sleeve a week later…must be because I am not McAwesome.

  17. haha, cheers. I would comment on them all, but haven’t through fear of spamming this here fine place.

    • You get extra Chin credit for the amount of witty and perceptive comments you make. Double Danno points for every time you uncover anything odd or perculiar in an ep, and Triple McG points for discussing pantlessness, arms, eyes$xing moments, and hair.

      • Whut, no s.xing? What’s the point of playing…?

        • S.xing games definitely out rank drinking games. Though the two aren’t bad when played together. Not that I would know.

        • LOL- what do you think you redeem the points for…. depending on how many points you accumulate determines the size of your prize. ;)

      • “Triple McG points for discussing pantlessness, arms, eyes$xing moments, and hair.”

        McG must always be pantsless (duh); I love his arm porn; I want him to eyes.x me like he eyes.xes – well, everything; and his hair curls beautifully in the Hawaiian humidity, unlike the Pompadour which never misses a beat.

        I WIN!

        • my friend (I should probably mention I always watch 50 with my besite, or if she’s not at my place we text each other through the entire ep) and I debate whether or not McG’s tops are cut just enough to show a bit of tat and make our heads explode and forget all other thoughts,

          Hawaiian humidity = destroys my hair (same can be said of places like San Antonio and Miami)

          • I want to be friends with you and your bestie! Cool!

          • “debate whether or not McG’s tops are cut just enough to show a bit of tat ” – it’s perfection, isn’t it? I love that they’re this amazing shade of blue. Black just wouldn’t be the same. Sidebar – I was with a friend yesterday and his tatts peeked out his t-shirt sleave the same way. So maybe tattoo artists plan the location of the tatts for this? Also, they were black tatts (boring) and he was nothing like McG…for realz.

            • I never liked tats before McG (errr suppose it’s technically AOL) anywho I made a status update about it way back when on FB and then all my friends posted comments basically all saying, finally, she’s seen the light.

              • There are two men I like tatts on. Johnny Depp cuz the meaning behind them are so awesome and Alex’s who I have to admit I like the fact he doesnt tell the meaning behind them. Though I like to think the orig back tatt was on a drunken night with his mates and he lost the ‘bet’. Heh! I miss his two forearm tattoos.
                No tatts on a woman. Ever.

                • Agreed re no tats on a woman. Ever.

                  He won’t tell ppl what his tats mean?
                  I wonder if his PR ppl told him to do that — “keep the mystery.” Or something.

                  I hope he’s not a Scientologist. I don’t think Aussies buy into that.

                  P.S. I updated the Cast + Crew section xx
                  Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
                  Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

                  • No,.whenever asked he says they all have personal meaning and everyone is entitled to a few secrets. except for the updated back tatt looks like he got them pretty young. I bet those tatts do tell some stories..probably not all ones he wants to make public. wild.child. heh

        • Your “I WIN” made ma snort out laughing.


    • I have not read them all, was waiting on the DVD to rewatch epis but since I just realized that is not coming out until the new season starts, I guess I should go read them all. I will spam the site with you!! (already do, so what’s the difference, right??)

      • Sweet. I’ve already read up to ep 18, but not the comments. So I’m going back and reading through those. More spam to follow. No rewatches until the DVDs come out? Now I know I couldn’t handle that.

        • I am a c.nt who used to watch for the plot until about epi #19 or 20. So previous episodes were deleted. I’ve managed to catch some earlier ones during reruns. None of which have been deleted until the DVD comes out…

        • Yeah, because you know the DVD wont be out here until forever. and I am still mad at channel 10 for last night.

          • waiting for dvds to come out here is so painful, especially when they cost twice as much as the rest of the world.

  18. No, Bali. you must comment on each and every one!

  19. Bali: I doubt even a kick-ass SEAL or SAS superman could fight or move around so effortlessly a few hours after breaking an arm AND falling 15-20′ onto solid ROCK. Totally unrealistic. His body should have stiffened (you’re welcome ladies) up like a tub of cement. I did believe the fact he was able to brace his own broken arm (ouch) and it was HOT!! I also really admired McBooBoo’s skill in handling that duck tape… mainly because I really suck at it. G

    • I totally missed that.
      That all happened over the course of one day? Jesus.

    • just spent 45 minutes at Bed, Bath and Beyond trying to self-wrap a gift to no avail- could not make the box for the life of me, and needed to ask college student for help. before then, I went thru 3 boxes that I destroyed and almost taped my hand to the table. sad, but true.story. :( can you imagine if I broke my arm out in the jungle by myself. I would be dead in 5 minutes.

  20. I’m pretty sure this all happened in one day but, you know how hard it is to tell. Oh goodie, this “Bolder to The Face” ep is re-running tomorrow. I will pay special attention to the time frame and also the arm splinting scene because I just can’t get enough of McAwesomePants mouthing duct tape. G

    • It def happened in one day- McG got a cast and a kiss at the hospital and was on his way. (ok, I made up the part about the kiss. but if I were his orthopedist and he showed up in my er, I would insist that kissing his boo boo was part of the treatment. would also discuss new form of accupuncture that involved kissing various pressure points to alleviate pain) *blushing coying as I back out of the room now*

    • Bolder to the Face ep! Such a name, such a name, Love it,

  21. “This Housing Commissioner is at least two feet taller than Scott Caan who is still managing to crush this scene.”

    One of my favourite Danny scenes. I shall think of this scene and not other scenes involving Rach Hell.

  22. Ok-this is 2nd ep where they use facial recognition to figure out 3rd accompice (sp) – the other was with black widow. how do they keep finding people this way and why always a woman who is suprise bad guy- in fact this happened in 2nd or 3rd ep too (the dada’s gf) and then again last night with daughter being bad guy. Seriously @plenkov, in s2, how about the woman is the primary bad guy, and surprise, her accomplice is a guy?

    • Power to the Females!

      Hey all; Find me as Sardonic here: http://h50sardonic.com

    • Here here. Equal rights @plenkov

      My mum used to watch the original Five-0 so I often ask, “how did they figure out crimes in the olden days mum?”….. You know without their fancy-smancy computers, giant tv screens, mobile phones, sorry cell phones and playthings who ditch work important work to take phone calls from Lt. Com. HOW?!

  23. Chin and Julie TOTALLY need to hook up. That hug had some chemistry.

    Also, AGREE Scott Caan KILLED in this ep. That scene in the restaurant… so BAMF James Caan.

    How did McG get his fkn face cleaned up so fast??

  24. Gracie: “How did the original H50’s solve cases” BORINGLY. Back in the day, I was in love with that show (so much I even traveled to Hawaii, so captivated was I) & thought it was state of the art TV making. If you ever get a chance to see an episode, watch for giggles. As accurate as it was at the time, it’s hysterical now. Our McG & crew do more in 3 minutes than the oldsters did during the whole episode. It was during the 1970’s but really…The last one I saw had Jack Lord, aka Steve McGarrett, pointing (with an actual pointer stick) to a chalk board that had the “the plan of attack” written by hand on it. Hilareous stuff I swear. And the all time riot is when Danno & Steve (or any two people) will be riding in the front seat of a car. Apparently, the producers only had one car apparatis that moved in place for filming closeups and they used it for every such scene, cars, trucks, the Merc, whatever. Anyway, it’s barely wide enought for two people to sit in and the two guys are so close they’re shoulders are touching. It looks like they’re in a “clown car.” Then they would cut away to a full shot & they would be in the huge Merc & sitting 3 feet apart. I’m laughing about it now. Funny as Hell. G

    • I am laughing too!!! Funny.as.hell!
      3 feet apart. heh.

    • G, I read this post at work and burst out laughing. People stared at me! But this laughing has happened many mornings in a row now, eventually the will get used to it. ;) I re-read it now. STILL LAUGHING!

      “pointing (with an actual pointer stick) to a chalk board that had the “the plan of attack” written by hand on it.”

      I love that there was a chalk board. And they were probably like, this is the coolest thing ever! We are so rocking it! Hehehhe.

      The car scenes sound hilarious! The car scenes are such a huge part of the new show I am glad I can take them seriously…at least until Danny says something like, “you’re a little pac man in cargo pants, you’re like the devour of dreams. You just eat them.”

    • Oh, thank you Maureen, for giving me a laugh this early in the AM. CLOWN CAR!

    • Dying. The car shots are killing me.

      I am also standing next to a man who is in a kilt. I don’t know what’s happening. And I am a little scared.

      Hey all; Find me as Sardonic here: http://h50sardonic.com

  25. Oh My Precious FUCUPs. Yes, the quality & believability of TV has certainly come a long way. The old H50 shows used to run tevery day a while back.When I saw the first C C scene, I dashed to call my then H50 buddy (the one who dropped off the new show cause it wasn’t like the old one. Yeah, can’t get enough of those “clown cars”) & I was laughing so hard he didn’t know who the Hell I was & hung up. By the time I emailed him, the scene went to a normal wide shot. To this day, he thinks I made it up because 2 macho men, esp. Jack Lord, would never ever sit so close together. But I swear, there are a few eps floating around with closeups of Danno & Steve cruising in the Merc on a “date.” GrannyMo

    MAHA: Where the Hell are you……Scotland??? Man in a Kilt???. You didn’t peak, did you? We know how you are. G

  26. Maha – Where were you? Men wear kilts in Canada for the Hell of it? What’s going on up there? Whatever it is, it sounds kinky and I like it. G

  27. Maha – Oh…nevermid. G

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