Editorial note: This episode didn’t much lend itself to a whole lot of sardonic. Beg your forgiveness and understanding in advance, as most funnies come in the later pages of this recap. x
Because Molokai 1 is having a sleep-in this morning, we are watching a girl in a red-bottomed bikini paddle board at Molokai 2.
Somewhere on the Island, a baboon is missing its a.s and is v sad because it can no longer do a number 2.
It’s the Paddle Board World Championships, reminding me of the time I attempted to paddle board and nearly took out my front teeth.
Red-bottomed is known to her family and friends as Jen, which I originally misheard as Chin. She is the winner who, unlike Kono’s creepy surf mentor, did not get shot off her board and then dragged to her death by overzealous ninja lifeguards.
Instead, Jen jumps from her board and looks fab while carrying a little back-pack for her rouge and hair styling products.
Apparently, Jen is 15 years of age and so must be a fan of that Bieber girl. Were we to enter the minds of all male audience members, we would arrest them.
When Jen does not respond to her name called for award receipt, her mum goes into the changing tent to find her. There is a moment where she rounds a corner and she appears jarringly sociopathic. Honest.
Jen has been abducted by a red car, and her mum starts screaming that her daughter’s been stolen. Had that been my mum, and someone tried to steal me, her screaming would have shattered the windows on the car and split both the earth and the ocean in two, after which she would have demanded that everyone call her Momma Moses.
My guess? The culprit is the baboon, wanting its a.s back because its tummy is crampy.
Hawaii 5-0 ring-a-ling-dings.
In the Governor’s Office, McPanty Destroyer is reading How to make him love you by cooking him the right stuffs, and where that fails, how to properly key his car incognito and live fabulous and out loud while running in heels.
Enter LAUREN GERMAN. Hiiii Lauren! She is in pumpkin top, black pencil skirt and black platform heels. McG is eyes.xing her while she introduces herself as Officer Laurie Weston.
Weston sits down and wonders if McG has a hidden v@gina due to his preferred reading materials. Bonding over the sports section, they eye flirt.
Females and slashies implode, cracking tellys as they throw shoes and bats and cupcakes at their screens. Weeping is heard the world over, and it is not due to madness at UN over Palestine / Israel question.
“Cath” turns nuclear weapons toward the Governor’s office and waits patiently as she eats direct from a Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream container.
Sidebar: When McPanty Destroyer introduced himself to Weston, he stood up. Big shout out to either the Director or to O’Loughlin here. There is nothing more annoying that a dumba.s who keeps their arse planted when they shake your hand. It’s just good manners; small detail but important.
McG and Weston are called into the Governor’s office just like Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson: Together.
argh…am I the only one having trouble viewing messages from any wordspress sites? I have to do reply to read message in plain text. otherwise, I get a blank grey message. friggin koala! so, if I do not reply to any posts, it is because I can neither see the replies or accept my subscription! where is that giant magic table when I need it!
I am seeing everything fine on my end.
Are you still having trouble at other pages??
its not the pages themselves- its my emails.they are just grey. no words.
I changed from getting emails in HTML to getting them in plain text and fixted it. I am a genuizee.
Never a doubt RE: genuizee.
***blushing***
never go to North Carolina and leave us again Kimmer
I have no idea what you just said. True Story.
Lainie was having problems with the email notifications.
Then she fixed it.
Then she told us about it.
And she reiterated her genius ways in her telling.
FIN.
Lori Weston and McG were def eyes*xing each other. It was Saturday Night Fever in the Gov’s office. It was hot hot hot. I too worried about our poor Cath, out at sea with all those boys, but staying loyal to the FOY. In a moment of unity, wanted call her on her illegal cell and tell her to come home soon before her booty call is dialing another number. For realz.
Honest, “Cath” may never again indirectly call him a McRapist. Sad.
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No!
No!
No!
Did not like it one bit. Can’t imagine Cath would either. Son thought his mother Seixo, was demented. He could hear me a-yelling two rooms away and asked what ever is the matter, Mother Seixo? Because he cares you see?
H5O writers seem to believe that McG does not care and goes a-flirting at the first sight of pretty ankles. That he does not care that he suffers from amnesia and prefers brunettes and one in particular that is called Cath. That he does not care that it has only been a week after all the mayhem to win his ‘get out of jail free’ card but that Kono is still having a hard time of life.
P.S. A nice scene, with the magazine though.
Mate: Tell us how ya really feelin’.
(Please say hello to Child Sexio.; we should have a play date w Atplenkov Zimmo-O’Loughlin.)
Sorry. Child Sexio is past playing in sand-pits – I’m old! I’m old! God, I’m too old! McG is my toyboy!
But at 18 years of age, Child Sexio could be godfather.
Seixo, your not old. You my dear are 28, just like the rest of us. Believe
First off, McG might be a bad kisser on screen, but the man can McFlirt. Eyes.xing and grinning. me likey!
M: Sidebar: When McPanty Destroyer introduced himself to Weston, he stood up. Big shout out to either the Director or to O’Loughlin here.
I have been thinking of late, in this era of reboots and remakes. AOL could be the new Officer and a Gentleman ….. Just saying
Stalker!
What a BRILLIANT suggestion! Surely it shall be more brilliant as soon as I see this film!
Going to look for it right now and watch it tonight if I can. But the title for McG sounds EPIC.
Where are the rest of the FUCUPs?!
Naturally for that role, he needs to practice the hungry man beastly kissing.
YOU’VE NEVER SEEN AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN?!?!?!?!?!
WTF, M, WTF???
Gere at his hottest best, woman.
Uh oh.
Ok. Omg. I shall watch it.
I like Gere. Even if he does stick gerbils up his bottom.
He is v v young in this movie. I think it is pre-gerbiling.
Thanks God.
Kimmer PreG…. LOL. I cringed and snorted at the same time.
Seriously, was it actually a gerbil? I always thought it was a hamster, which is a smaller creature, and whilst the mind still boggles, I think a gerbil sounds more eeeeuuuwwwwwww
Honestly, he could have shoved a puppy up there and it would all be gravy to me.
I love him.
M my love, you are one sick puppy!
I thought gerbils were smaller? Well, I guess one would have to start small and move up, right?
After all these years I suspect he could get a grizzly bear up in there
Beneath Lainie’s fold?
I CONCUR.
You must stop!
NEVAH!
Her fold is just so precious.
Me? Stop. Whhhaaatttt???
I am confusededed – get what under my what? who is putting something somewhere? I am a good girl.
I believe it was during last week’s epi.
You petted Scott Caan and gave him a ducktail from yonder your fold. It’s in writing.
Omg, I am dying with all this !
OMG- how did we get from Richard Gere and gerbils to Danno under my fold? And from work today my mind went a totally different direction- comes from reading the emails out of order in a rush- and thought you had Danno hiding up in my “folds” – if you know what I mean. :O
No, Lainie, I have no idea what ‘your folds’ means.
{snort}
DYING HERE!
I have seen An Officer and A Gentleman at least 15 times. In the movie theatre. When it first came out.
And several more on video rentals.
I was going to marry Richard Gere back in the day. Him and his gerbils.
“Him and his gerbils.”
HAHAHAHA!!
They would have been our bridesmaids.
Then you would want hamsters – they are more social. The gerbils would be of no help whatsoever.
If they are stuck up his bum, they would have no need to be social. Ok, hamster flowergirl and page boy.
He stood up so he could get a peek down her shirt. True.Story.
If McG and L to the G get married and have babies and hyponate their names, they will be Mick Gigis.
M: Sidebar: When McPanty Destroyer introduced himself to Weston, he stood up. Big shout out to either the Director or to O’Loughlin here.
I liked this bit too. Did you all also noticed when he said “nice to met you” he slipped into his Aussie accent? Sheila and I texted each other (clarica: yes we text each other through the ep if not watching together) at the same time both noticing the slip.
Oh! No! I totes missed the slip.
Fk!
Damn, I replayed this many times and I cannot hear the slip. I even looked away from the screen, as if my hearing would be better. I am a accent detector failure…. Boo.
Did anyone notice? Westy come and back me up once you see???
Nope, didn’t notice the Oz accent at all.Sorry, Gracie. I think you are becoming so in love with his Aussie accent that you are imagining hearing it when he is clearly.speaking.American.
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Nah mate I just rewatched that scene and he clearly says “nice to met you” in an Aussie accent. Sheila hates his Aussie accent and she noticed it on Wednesday night too.
Also I like his Australian accent until he says “book ‘em Danno” and then all bets are off.
*sigh* I can’t even be sardonic about this. The Lori/McG scene was the most laughable thing i’ve ever seen on this show. Any of you that thought it was hot, did any of it ring true to you? The man who had women falling all over him last season and never batted an eye at them all of a sudden the world stops when she comes strolling in all long flowing hair, peep toe shoes & pencil skirt? (didn’t i see this in a bad Warrant video?) By the time they got to the puppy eyes i was thinking…WTF? Please tell me that I am not seeing this! What dime store paper back romance novel did they steal this from because I want to punch those writers in the throat! Alex, <3 you fiercely, please tell me you said, "really? we're gonna do it THiS way?" Because Stan had better moves in The BUP.
I was set to give this a chance and even deal with them breaking Cath/McG up for an eventual thing here but they f.cked the koala with his one. In all honesty if this had been season 1 and i wasnt invested in Alex as an actor, i would have turned the channel & never looked back.
This is my Rac Hell sitch…
They are not real..they are not real…
I must admit, I thought there was definitely chemistry between the two! Are you going to yell at me?
I don’t think they’re going to fk the koala on this, honest. Considering how quickly they retracted the Rac Hell sitch, I think they know that most do NOT want to see this lead to s.xing. I would honestly be really surprised, Ess.
Sidebar: I wish her hair colour was different as she’s a beautiful girl. She should be a brunette; with those eyes, I mean imagine?!
ESS… is it your turn to RANT ??
Sorry, I am hot on the flirting !
Step away from the Plot, sweetie and look at that man grinning !
Whew !
It works! It works!
Their s.xing would be epic; like, they’d punch one another in the face for good times.
Im sorry. LB. This wasn’t ‘that show’. There are plenty other romantic dramadies on TV to watch. This was about friendship & family….with tiny romance on the side. Not shoved down our throat.
I was honest. I’ve stopped watching shows that get bogged down in the will they/won’t they, who are they going to sleep with now type stories. It will *break my heart* if they go there with this show. I could be wrong…but right now my trust is gone.
Ess, I understand completely, but it’s only the her first show. Give it a chance and trust the writers. Personally I don’t feel as though she was shoved or dropped on us like an anvil.
I really liked the playful flirty side of McG in this episode. And I still think he (Aol) played flirty McG looser than Stan in BUP.
I am sticking to my guns on this one. And speaking of guns, we didn’t see those, this week, but for CRYING OUT LOUD, we got 2 (NOT ONE) but. 2 mthrFKN glimpses of the TrampStamp !
HolyFknSh!t ESS !!! They FKN – #FREEDtheTRAMPSTAMP
Rejoice ESS & fellow FUCUP’s !!
ps… Ess, if they go down the path of ill refute (sp ?) with McG and LtheG, I will submit to thee as you shove the “I told you sooooo’s” down my throat.
ppss …ESS, The ho0kerc.unt from the outtakes, wasn’t really an actress, she was fresh off the skanky stripper pole. She s.cked someone hard to get those 3 minutes, true story.
This is why I love you all so v hard. We are all working with one another to help those amongst us who are feeling sad / blue / down / joyless / less than perfect about a couple of sitches during this episode.
Honest. It’s really heart-warming how hard we’re all working to give virtual hugsies.
Love you all. Non sardonically.
While not as… affected.. as ESS is, I have to agree. McG was practically eye raped by hotties all last year and…. nothing. One chick in a skirt and he’s all flirty? Apparently McG didn’t get any conjugal visits in jail and is hard up….
I do agree that I don’t think that they are going anywhere with this. It just won’t play.
And, she does need different color hair, because every time I look at her, all I can think of is that cheating b.tch cheater LeAnne Rimes and her cheating bastard cheater Eddie Cibrian.
LeAnn and Eddie? They are raging c0cksucking twats.
There is no way they will take this storyline anywhere. It would be suicide.
She’s naturally a brunette. They made her a blonde to fit the blonde bomshell look. Yeah. Really.
Oh wow.
That’s. So. Dumb.
Because she must be fkn GORGE with her natural hair colour.
So lame.
Did H50 ask her to do this?
ESS another thought, you’ve been like an AOL, crack- ho these last few weeks ( I loves ya hard )
maybe this scene was just like cough syrup with codeine and you just needed MORE, FAST and NOW… huh ?
xxooxxoxoxo
lb – (running fast, scared of ESS on craAOLck)
MAHA: “Cath turns nuclear weapons towards the Gov’s office..” Love it, priceless.
A male is going to check out a good looking woman even if he’s being rolled into surgery & half dead. Nature of the beast. I was much more concerned about McGoofy reading a woman’s magazine. WTF was that all about??? How long was he in prison anyway?
ESS: “Punch those writer’s in the throat” My poor girl, take a deeeep breath. Keep repeating, it’s not real, it’s not real. McMo
“McMo”
It’s SUCH a perfect name.
I fear ESS is on flight to Hawaii to kick down some doors and take some names and have some pomelo?
McMo !!
Seriously, wtf with magazine, but made me laugh. He is McTwit.
WESTY has christened me as such. It is perfecto…..McMo
IB: McTwit….I could not agree more.
McMo, you of all people I thought would understand…. I forget that Kimmer & I stood alone in respecting the Cath/McG relationship. but it’s not even the point. It’s about trueness to the characters. M, i saw the extended promo with them in the Gov’s ofc bickering. I thought it was great, agree on the chemistry! I was looking forward to this epi more than any! I’m just saying the way they brought her in, that entire SCENE was straight out of a bad, straight to video rom/com. (and didn’t most of us hate those??) That’s not our beloved H50. Do we really want to see McG ‘get it on’ this badly? Someone told me last week, “when it’s shit I’m going to call them out on the shit.” Well, this SCENE was shit.
I *wish* they would have let this develop naturally instead of dropping the anvil on our head! (thanks to Melapaloosa for the anvil analogy) If they aren’t putting these 2 together, then WTF was that scene all about?? That kind of thing usually sends everyone all aflutter! That girl in the bikini deleted scene? At least McG & Danno were true to character. But everyone was all about the cheesiness of the bikini girl. What’s so different here? I’m honestly confused…
I actually think this is what most people want now. Just look at the ratio here.
See, I totally thought it was hilarious camp done on purpose to *be* cheesy!
Interesting, the diff sees of the same thing, eh?!
Of course Steve stood up for lady. He IS an officer and a gentleman!!
ESS, Steve has been in jail and under lots of stress that is the dif I think in his response to Lori. Also perhaps, she didn’t act like she wanted to get all up in his stuff and isn’t that more enticing than throwing your panties? :>)
I agree, Maha, I thought there was chemistry there. Yes. Her hair should be a dif color. Hope they don’t go anywhere with the two of them together. Two people as pretty as they are can’t just ignore each other! ( not as pretty as Maha but…) :>)
Wait. What?
What do ew mean that panty chuckin’ isn’t enticing?
Is this why I am single?!
Must I change my ways
Didn’t you read the Rules for Women or whatever that book was? :>) You are too pretty to have to throw your panties anyway!
Someone is obvi keeping an eye on you, with the “bootcamp” reference and the eye-sexting….. someone with connections. To Alex. :>)
And yet. Amazingly. Not once has @plenkov ever never sent me a tweet.
I imagine it’s his writing team who are reading. Fun! Fun!
Hiiiiii Writers!! Heart YOU!
I heart you all with rainbow sprinkles and pink fuzzy slippers and no traffic Mondays, but youze are all crazy. When I was so sad
last year with the D/R cheating cheaters who cheat cheat and then have unprotected sex with more than one man, you were all like “girlfriend, don’t you worry none. Your man will be right back with you faster than you call say jiffy lube”. But, now your McG just peeks at a chicas legs and its “What the fashizle is my man up to?” No worries, ladies. He is just looking. 
There will be no jumping into bed or ooooh la la this season between McG and L to the G. In the meantime, vicariously enjoy all the eyes@xing and waredrobe changes. Bear hugs and coffee flavored jelly bellys for all!
I heart you, Lainie.
Lainie, I started giggling at ‘youze are all crazy’ but was crying laughing at ‘jiffy lube’. Took me 7 attempts and 15 Kleenex to get through your post.
Way too funny, for being this late.
ESS: It appears that in trying to calm you down, I pi.sed myself off. (Check out last page.) I understood him checking her out, any man with a pulse would have, but I’m with you on the rest of it and more. I guess the LtheG nonsense was not as horrifying to me (I do think she’s a good actress ((gag)) & they did have good chemistry together in certain scenes) compared to the other ways McG fell from grace. They cheapened and weakened his character terribly in this episode. Let’s just hope it a temporary glitch & not the wave of the future.
I laughed out loud at your pissing yourself off.
I AM ALL CAPS AGREEING and just wrote the following elsewhere here:
It sucked b@lls that she was alone, so my guess is that next week it will be all about her.
That said, we have all wanted a deeper storyline for both Kono and Chin. This is definitely her arc and it will be fkn amazing. No doubt. She is up against an entire system. And she will make it through 100%. If only because she is Canadian, and we are very tenacious. Snow’ll do that to you.
No one be sad!
No one walk away! Esssss, the fk would we do without you?!
Baited breath, wait until next epi.
xxoxxoxxoxxo
Lainiek: For me it’s not the chick thing with L to the G ((gag, maybe a wee bit, gag)) it’s the whole weakened McGarrett character thing that upset the McMo apple cart. And the biggest problem I have is with Kono. Talk about DISLOYAL, huh Stephen.
Oh and BTW, we all had your back on that stupid Danno nonsense. We felt your pain. We cared.
aw, Maureen, was trying to make light of it. I know you all had my back. Thats what I was trying to say in a silly sardonic way. And, see, it worked out fine. Honestly,in a very nonsardonic way, I think we have seen that McG has a very light and silly side to him. We have seen it every time he smirks or laughs with his eyes or tries to stop from smiling. I don’t think he is as strong or hard as we think he is (well, his FOY might be, but not McG himself). Sorry if I struck a cord
. I too was extremely disappointed in our 5-0 team that they left Kono alone. See comments on those pages. But, I also have a suspicion that she only told Chin about it and that, being loyal, he did not tell he rest of the 5-0. Hence, maybe a wee bit of redemption for them and why they looked so surprised when watching tv. Next week will find out. I also think she is being set up for something bigger and that part of the reason she did not want her team involved was because she is going deep undercover. So, please know I was been v v sardonic and silly above and that nothing said on these pages is ever meant to be insensitive, mean or disrespectful. For real.
Hi everyone.
Many opinions, both sardonic + non; many apologies; are we all ready for a group hug?
Because to get back to Sardonic, I think we need a group hug.
I am standing alone (like KONO!) waiting for a fkn group hug. Let’s get on this…
XOXOXOXO
lets hug it out Ari Gold style!
DONE!
Though I don’t know what that means: I am IN!
Never heard of Ari Gold, but count me in too!
I was thinking the same thing. Ari Gold style.
{{{{{{{{{ FUCUPs}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{ Ess }}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{ McMo }}}}}}
MAHA, It’s a shame they had to give one character more meat by destroying another ones honor. You are always right about such things so I’m sure she will make a wonderful turn around & hopefully McGarrett will grow his b@lls back & all will be sugar & spice once again in the H50 bat cave. (God, now I know how you felt during that Gen. Pak ep…it sucks!)
Worst. Fkn. Episode. EVAH! That one about General Pak. Ugh!!
No. No. I honestly trust that Kono sitch will be remedied but until then, she will have a solid storyline to showcase her acting chops. McG and The 5-0s will be redeemed from the b@llsucking that is their not being around Kono while this was happening.
I hear everyone’s argument and totally agree. But this show will circle back to its core, with Kono being supported by the rest of the band.
That said, I just realised that this episode happened over the course of 24 hours. That should make it easier to swallow, no? And since Kono had to tell Chin that her hearing was next day, it means that there was no date which the 5-0s should have PRIOR penciled in, and never evah missed.
Is that making it easier, McMo?
Feel a little better?
I really want to take your and Ess’s pain away! Boo pain!
Maybe BadA.s Chin will get McG’s balls back for him. CHIN! CALLME!
Maha: I believe you – all will turn out for Kono & we will see her dip before she rises & rejoins the band. And I’m sure the writers will come up with some hairbrained reason why the 3 piggies were complete d.cks towards her.
But Mama, how are they going to fix our SEAL? He is a mear shell of who he was. Tell me he will be back as before & we will not be stuck with this limp d.ck a.shole.
No.
Way.
Jose.
He will never be limpd.ck!
But I imagine — if he were REAL — he is currently recovering from the beating he took where Gov No 1 was concerned, new Gov, jailtime, disbanding then rebandin 5-0, being shanked, death of Hesse, seeing his mentor, still being suspicious about his fam’s history.
He is allowed to be soft, ya?
And in all seriousness, one of the sh.t things folks’r sayin’ about AOL is that he is a wooden and stiff actor; allowing him to show his acting MAD SKILLZ will tell these mthr fkrs to SIT. DOWN.
So if not for McG, prey you will be a little calmed…for AOL?
You shall be Granny to me and no longer McMo until you take back the limp blahblahblah. I will not allow myself to retype the malicious comment you made against the FOY.
Oh Granny !! Really ??? my heart hurts…
But just maybe the writers are laughing their a.ses off because this fabulous Sardonic site of FUCUPS are losing their sh!t over the plot !!, Writers 1 FUCUPS 0. Boos, hisss,
Hugsies to all !
l. AOL is a wonderful actor. Critics have called him “wooden” for years & they have been wrong for years.
2. I welcome any chance he gets to expand his acting talents. He has more than earned the opportunity.
3. The McGarrett character has been through Hell starting from 3 minutes into the pilot & it’s really never stopped.
4. The writers can laugh all they want. Lord knows we’ve laughed at them for 26 episodes now.
4. The writers didn’t break him down emotionally, they made his character choose to be someone I don’t personally think a SEAL, in his right mind, would ever be. Disloyal. So for me, right now, I’m not liking the McGarrett character & he remains one limpd.ck. But I’m sure everything will be set right next week and we’ll all rejoice when he once again…gets it up. I have faith he will. Mo
Awww, I respect your opinions, please don’t hate ! I was trying to keep it all light and funny, that is all.
Please accept my apologies if I’ve offended you,
You really are McMo !!
LB. xxooxx
to my sardonic pals: please know that everything here is in jest, light and fluffy and never ever ever meant to offend. we join here for mirth, good times and to sometimes poke fun at our favorite show and hotties. but, it is never to offend, be malicous or hurt anyone. I know that I did not mean to offend and that @ib523 didn’t either. even in our jest, we know the writing and character development on H50 is spotty and inconsistant and it can drive us to drink loads of longboards and take our surfboard deep out to sea at times, but like my star trek voyager eps I used to love (or the even cheesier enterprise with hotties Scott Bakula and Connor Trinneer) we watch it as much because we love the characters, enjoy the happy times, feel their pain, and still can laugh at the inconstencies. so, know that thru our silly jesting, we are trying to say “we understand, this is dope, and makes no sense, and comes left of center, but if we don’t laugh at it , it will make us crazy”. major hugs all around with caramel syrup on top.
Lainie.
Thank you for this, though unnecessary.
When you were upset re Rac Hell, and you were stomping your teeny tiny feet, we hugged you and teased you, with great love.
We hugged
And teased
With great love
I don’t think anyone is genuinely hurting or upset. And if they are: please let me know in a private email so that we may have a conversation off-line.
That said, and with the greatest warmth Lainie, thank you for writing this anyway.
Love to all.
ESS. I agree with you. I too nearly switched off in utter disbelief. But it wasn’t McG that f.kd up. It was those writers who seemed incapable of putting themselves in their own characters shoes and asking that question, what would I do in this situation if it were me.
A WEEK after all that hell that was the end of Season One and the beginning of Season Two, McG, the McG that we know and love, would NOT flirt with Ms Weston, not here outside the Governor’s office or in that later scene in the restaurant. He would NOT seem to forget that Kono existed and would at least have made ONE phone call to see if she were ok. He would definitely NOT seem to care more about Jenna leaving than Kono’s hearing coming up – this Jenna even got a hug???? In ep 2, Steve would still be in serious mode. It was just too soon to be taking life more lightly.
This is my third rant over. I hope.
And we eagerly await the fourth rant. You must catch up with us!
Yes, yes. Raaaaage, baby.
No one has really addressed that Daniel had 3 lines this episode.
Anyone wish to posit an opinion on this? Any takers?
I’ll bite. See below.
I don’t care how many lines Danny actually speaks as long as he shows up.
Rant away all that you like!
You all are free to rage.
McG is your man; he is a character you all love and cherish, which means you all are invested. So go for it. Rage.
Holy Fkn SHIT! I can’t wait to see this episode. And I really am staying out of this recap now until I do. I stumbled in here by accident, and got stuck in a maelstrom of hurt and indignation and despair.
)
Who says it’s not real?!?
(HUGSIES, Ess! xxx
ESS! You are still vanished.
This is making me sad.
Were you drunk when you stumbled?
This episode is a koala, it seems. It’s almost as polarising as when Lainie lost her rainbow skittles of s.xing of Rach Hell by Mistress.
Westy. When you see this episode; watch for this scene, where Weston is intro’d. It’s very odd as McG nearly whumps The FOY onto her head. As already mentioned, out of left field is such behaviour in said beloved character. And opinions are varying as to wtf?
Specifically, McMo is now calling him a limpd.ck and I believe Stalker may have called her out to duel on said reference.
Also, Weston needs to have a different colour hair, because the blond is not suiting her otherwise gorge face.
Hi all! Not drunk..lol! Just taking a self imposed sabbatical to re-establish some perspective. This epi hit me below the belt. I am not good at faking it when I’m not feeling it (good & bad quality) and this for sh.t scene tainted my whole perception of this episode. I was not feeling sardonic & didn’t want to keep repeating myself.
I am sorry if I started drama or if i made any feel bad. We feel what we feel. Hopefully next week they will have found their old writers, fired these Koalas & #freedthegecko! Sardonicism returned!
Ess!
No need to apologise. We all are entitled to rant and rant and stomp and yell when McG remains with pants for so fkn long.
Please rant away! Always! Lainie did! (Hiiiiiii Lainie!!) She fkn went to TOWN when Mistress stepped out of character. So go for it.
I believe we need to now add to our lexicon: Non-Sardonic Ranty.
As in: “B.tches, I’m about to get all Non-Sardonic Ranty and I need you to STEP OFF with the sardonic, until I am ready to hear it.”
Can we all please cut and paste that so that we create space for safe ranty rants that hit us in the v@gina?
PROTECT YOUR VADGE!!!!
Love you all, chicken monkeys!
You need to put this in the Sardonictionary, so that we may find it easily when required!
There is never drama re expressing our opinions on the show. This is def a safe and supportive environment. We are like a bunch of drunken freedom fighters at times, always willing and able to storm the bastile for each other, even if we are not sure what cause we are fighting. But, fight we will.
Non-sardonically, my hope is that we all know that this is never personal and always in jest and with good humor (and always with much love).
I said it someone where else during this recap, but will say it again. The writing on this show is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect, and can drive us all to bang our heads against our tvs. So, having a place where we can share our thoughts about these holes in the storyline and character development is fabulous. Like group therapy. At the FOY Institute of 5-Ology. ****HUGS***
p
Omg.
FUCUPs; Drunken Freedom Fighters.
This is the best line ever.
Kind of like Les Miserables.
Do you hear the FUCUPS sing
Singing the song of angry chicks
It is the music of the women
who will not be fooled again
When the wishes of them all
Is totally heard by PLenkov
then the sl.pile will start
When the FOY is loose!
EPIC.
I’ve been drinking.
Then you are a shining example of Drunk Freedom Fighter FUCUP!
Sweet !! Me toooooo !
But I have no song to share.
Sorry, at this time, I hear Westy’s anthem to the Monkees tune.
Don’t know Les Mis. Don’t h8,
Hey. I’ve caught up with comments.!!
Les Mis is my fav musical. I cry every time I see it, it is so awesome.
Really?
I walked out half-way through I was so fkn depressed.
I also v much dislike Carmen.
I too disliked Les Mis. Sat 2nd row center for my -wait for it- 25th birthday – and was annoyed by the sweat from the stage. Only lasting impression. In contract, loved the storming castle scene in Beauty and the Beast- the Disney cartoon. I am a sucker for a good light musical with a happy ending.
Holy Fkn Shit indeed, Westy. We went away for two weeks, missed the most debated ep in ages and now just come back with our ‘ugh you three (plus Jayne) are so last week comments’.
I didn’t even get a chance to comment yet! I ended up not watching the ep tonight, so will not see it until probably Friday night. Then all I can say is Sardonic site, watch out!
I am so psyched to see this one. It’s caused so much grief and angst and I WANT TO COMMENT, DAMMIT!
I watched it! Couldn’t wait another day, forced NotMcG to watch it tonight. Well, not really forced because he likes to sit and sardonic while it’s on, so much so that sometimes I have to threaten to as.smash him if he does not shut up.
So It wasn’t as bad as I thought judging by previous comments. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it.I really didn’t mind the intro scene between McSuit and Officer Westy (that’s what I’m calling her in my head). Yeah, it was a little cheesy but it was good to see McG be a little more human and respond to a pretty girl like any normal man would.
Oh Westy. Welcome home, love.
Oh, Auntie M – there’s no place like home!
Hi Westy… So happy you are all catching up !
I wanted to call her Westy too, but didn’t want to offend you ! I was waiting to see which side of the fence you chose in the Lori Weston debate.
Hugsies !
lb
Danny must have been busy greeting his b.tchy ex-wife cheater who cheated and Monkey at the airport. Although why he was in such a good mood escapes me, since he hasn’t really been in a good mood in the past, oh, 25 episodes.
Are there new writers? Ones who have never seen the show before? Because that could explain the total shift in character personalities in this episode. Or we could now be watching Hawaii Five-0: The Stepford Task Force.
But its GOOD change!!
We all wanted him to chill the fk out and not only be angry angry angry wee man!!
GOOOOD!
I’m not opposed to the change in temperment, mind you, I just would like some inkling as to WHY, else he will be labeled BIPOLAR.
And, I do not want to label him as such, because I have taken many many classes which stress the pitfalls of labelling.
I think considering our starting point that he is WEE, we are alright to call him BIPOLAR.
It just seems a lovely label.
BI.PO.LAR.
Else known as Wee No Hoo La Maw Pee. In Swahili, obvi.
HAHAHA. You caught me! Back to class, then.
Although I still believe that WEE is a statement of fact, not a label!
he is happy because I have decided to forgive him…mostly..for his stupidity in looking in rear view mirrors so long. but, he was so brokenhearted, I took him under my fold and went ah ah baby why petting his ducktail.
Yup, look into rearview too long and you crash into your future….
#littlebabyStepSatan
I don’t even know about you sometimes, Lainie.
You just gave Scott Caan a fkn ducktail? From “under your fold”? Jesus. I mean, I sort of want to sardonic recap a day in your head.
Hugsies. HARD.
dying.
I drooled, I was laughing so hard!
Great, and I just peed a little.
Looney Bin…Table for 5.
d.mmit, I miss ESS, Granny, Westy, Gracie and Jayne and I’m sorry if I’ve missed anyone,
brb, to change panties and NOT for the usual reason.
Ess shall be gone for a bit on a holiday jaunt!
McMo, I trust she will pop in soon.
Oz / UK gals are still waiting to watch this koala of an episode. I just can’t even begin to imagine their reactions.
I live by a creed sung a long while ago by a v v handsome wise man “ooohhh….we’re never gonna survive unless….we get a little crazy” …
How did we all not talk about how ridiculously HOT Chin was on his motorcycle. Set me all a quiver. ( ? ) CHIN! Call me!!!
As the first to declare CHINNY status. Yes. Yup. I noticed. Please, directors, writers, Lenkov, and God, more CHIN on a motorcycle.
Kimmer likey.
Chin is such a Ho when he’s with Kelly.
So hot.
In this scenario, I will be Kelly. #justsayin
Ok, so without reading everything else on all the other pages, including the rest of the recap I have to say Westy, Jayne and I have the advantage of seeing this episode after the h50 world spat the frakking dummy via twitter (hi twitter, I totes hate you some times, you and your spoilers).
One of the advantages of being behind is you can prepare yourself for these less than great episodes, or episodes that have resulted in a lot of fans getting upset. That said I didn’t half mind this ep because I went into it knowing fans were divided.
I think the writers are still trying to learn how to bring in female characters since I would think the whole Jenna one was a disaster, Rach Hell disappeared in to thin air and one second Mary was there and then she wasn’t. Maybe the writers over compensated a bit and tried to make us like Lori straight away. This first interaction for me, maybe because I’m bitter and cynical, was typical guy interacting with hot girl scene. Later on, and maybe you guys have touched on this, we see McG has his reservations, i.e. when he gets her to stay with the family and then flat out tells her he doesn’t trust her.
Sometimes, like with that deleted car scene of season 1 I think we have to remind ourselves that this show is written by guys (are there any female writers on h50? correct me if I’m wrong) and so some times we are subjected to this cr.p or the cr.p they think female fans want to see but we really don’t.
Also, maybe because I have seen some serious cluster f.cks in this other show Sheila and I watch (Supernatural), a show I almost quit (shhh don’t tell her) owing to major storyliens I hated, maybe I have built up a tolerance for this stuff.
Or maybe it was because Sheila and I were texting in rapid succession:
“Hi suit pants”
“Hi unbuttoned shirt”
“Hi Aussie accent” etc etc
I agree with you re the fem problem on this show. There are, however, women writers — and believe it or not, this episode was written by women.
I don’t really know how hard it is for them to write a strong female character without making her interchangeable. There’s a scene in episode 3 where LoHo is standing at the majic table, and it could have been ANY one of the other females.
Therein lies the rub. Which the Writing team needs to fix. Else it’s a lot of disservice to the characters, and to this predominant female audience.
Oh Gracie, thank you for posting on here before me & thank you for writing this essay, & thereby summing up my points, & I am ALL CAPS AGREEING! It was the wrong way to introduce a new character & i think like you I had built up the ep in my mind to be much worse (it had its good points). It’s one of the weakest eps to date but not like EVIL General bad.
Jayne, yes, sorry it was so long, but at least others can now come along and say ditto
should they be so inclined.
M: it’s always tough bring new characters into a show with established individuals. If it was easy they would have gotten it right and we would have continued on our merry FUCUP way.
Also maybe after the awesomness of ep 1 we were going to always feel let down by the next ep.
One of my guy friends, Andy (not to be confused with Mark who <3 McG) thought the ep was only so so, but loved Lori. LOL so there you go, there's a male opinion for y'all.
Gracie, have we been introduced to Andy yet? I mean we know all about Mark, & we were all in agreement that he can come & play any time he wishes, but Andy – what can you tell us about him??
Is he your boyfriend, Bali?
Are you sitting in a tree
K
I
S
S
I
N
G
?
LOL. Well he can’t come here now! Andy is one of my work mates. He saw the h50 finale by those illegal channels months before I did and liked to taunt me because he knew what happened to McG back when all Sheila and I knew was the cryptic spoiler we’d heard “you’ll never believe where McG ends up.” He then promotly rolled his eyes at me the morning after the finale when I went to work and signed “omg Steve”! LOL And that was the extent of that conversation. He likes Lori, I think like how we like McG.
He is a lesbian!
Holy smokes. I talk……alot.
I miss Westy & Gracie & Jayne. This time warp thing sucks!!! McMo
WESTY: Did you ever see “American Gigolo?” That’s where McMo fell for R to the G. I loved Officer & A Gentleman too.
I did see that one, McMo. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all his movies.
O&AG is still my fave Richard Gere movie e.v.e.r though.
#freethegerbils
Dying at #Freethegerbils !
Westy, “freethegerbils” You are a hoot. O&AG is my second fav. LOL McMo
“Females and slashies implode, cracking tellys as they throw shoes and bats and cupcakes at their screens. Weeping is heard the world over, and it is not due to madness at UN over Palestine / Israel question.
“Cath” turns nuclear weapons toward the Governor’s office and waits patiently as she eats direct from a Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream container.”
Oh. Em. Gee. I had forgotten how fcking hilarious this recap started out to be. As the series has progressed, it’s interesting to go back and read the genesis of the implosion. I have to go back to the gala photo now to see if Cath is packing nukuler weapons in that black gown.
I didn’t have a cupcake to throw so I threw a corn muffin. A corn muffin I might add, which had a more sensible internal structure than this episode. If that makes any sense.
Makes perfect sense. I admit that I was completely befuddled and thrown off the first time I saw it. Being more prepared, I made special note that McG looked ten kinds of fabulous. Is there a screencap of him doing the eyes.xing over the newspaper? He took life ruining to new levels with that look.
There was a ton of good eyes.xing in this ep! I need to re-read this page, obviously. Now I can’t remember what was my first Sardonic ep, but I think it was after this one!!
Here is some eyes.xing over the newspaper: http://alexoloughlinrocks.com/galleries/v/television/hawaiifive-0/screencaps/s02/202/h50_caps_202_073.jpg.html
^^^^^^^^^This. tHis. thIs. thiS. this. THIS.^^^^^^^^^ My eyes are watering. Thanks for THIS!
I luv that the newspaper says “player” right over McHandsome’s face.
Haha … Missed this first time around …. Good catch !
Oh only it was over baked. 42 minutes is way too long to bake muffins.
OMIGAWD! I WAS SO TOTALLY IN CHEST HAIR TRANCE! Look at that button. It could totes pop right off. And hit me in the eye!!!!
http://alexoloughlinrocks.com/galleries/v/television/hawaiifive-0/screencaps/s02/202/h50_caps_202_088.jpg.html
Andr3a !! I am so enjoying your EXTREME happiness of this episode.
McGQ is so handsome devilish in his blue suit! His blue eyes…so pretteee. He needs a runway to strut upon. I will get confused and start throwing $1 bills at him. If he’d just do a str!pper routine, all FUCUPs could tuck monie$ into his g-$tring.
P.S. Maha is so v v pretteeeeee.
Preeeeettttttteteteteteteeeeeee.
I have a tetee. Or two.
Ohh McStrut and McSwagger ! Mmmmmm…
*running for monies*
He’s a model, you know what I mean
He does his little turn on the catwalk
On the catwalk, yeah
He does his little turn on the catwalk……
ooops! correction to last line:
He shakes his little tush on the catwalk
I totally just loved y’ll on this page. The passion, the different oppinions, the time out’s, the apologies, the saying of no apologiss needed, the group hugies, the Ozzies comming in late and Infant making a short story long…..great fun to watch/read!
I wasn’t sure if they are were going to rerun eps in order, but it appears that we have flying Super Seal next week, a.k.a. 2.03.
THAT episode gets (needs!) corn muffins AND bran muffins. Trust.
Oh.
I love bran muffins so much.
I would take a bran muffin over a twinkie any day.
Same here! I have never had a twinkie… but was raised on bran muffins by my granola parents. I was also raised to not throw food but Ua Lawe Wale cured me of that.
I’ve never had a twinkie. Or bran muffins. Or granola. Or corn muffins.
Just tim tams? vegemite on toast?
tim tams > twinkies
and lamingtons.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamington
Oh and a meat pie. A must for the footy!
I have never heard of a lamington, but now I want one!
I consider it my duty to introduce you to random Aussie stuff.
We also have fairy bread:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairy_bread
Sidebar, if you want something healthy you best ask someone else.
Fairy bread I’ve heard of! But you only make that at home, right? You can’t get that at the corner coffee shop, can you?
I think I am going to go make some right now. I’ve never seen it out and about no.
Would you like a meat pie? http://www.upfromaustralia.com/4n20meatpies.html
Only if it’s vegetarian! Which of course makes it no longer a meat pie
I’ll just drink the beer at the footy match when I make it to Aussieland and go to the game with you. You can have the meat pies and vegemite.
Hmmm I have never noticed a veggie option at the footy. When the season starts I will see. I mean they must have something. Ohhh hot chips go down a treat when it’s a Friday or Saturday night game and it’s chilly out.
And by chips, do you mean fries or crisps?
fries. Nice yummy hot chips.
mmmmmmmmmm. I have officially made myself hungry.
Dear Pretteest M,
The Mooney group is requesting Moonlight page 5 (or V to keep with numbering theme). We have hit the 400 mark yet again with one more episode to go. #MooneyLove
Also, can we get an Oyster Farmer II page? It’s so large that it sometimes won’t load correctly. **Large** You’re welcome.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!