At the Neil S Blaisdell Center Arena in Honolulu, McPanty Destroyer has just come from a fresh chest waxing, and is wearing a deeper than normal shade of rose lipstick. He is also breaking in his wraps, and appears to be covered in vaseline. We can not see The FOY.
A little bit of a loser, he is sitting all alone in a locker area, facing no one in particular but for LoHo who, clearly, thinks she’s Lara Croft with her toughness. But, uhm, no.
She tells him that it’s bad luck to tape his own hands — a fact she waited to share until he had completely finished wrapping his own hands. Also, she gives him advice that he should wrap’em a little thicker around the knuckles, because…obvi, McPanty Destroyer.
But then she starts taping little pieces of tape to the top of his little hands. You know what you really and truly need to do to protect your knuckles? You wrap electrical tape around your skin, beneath the wrap itself, and then you thread the wrap itself between each finger (and down around the thumb), and then…then you wrap over the wrap, all around your hand, more tape.
Omg. THIS IS SO FKN LAME.
They’re flirting. She calls him hot. She swallows. Bats her eyelashes. McG opens and closes his mouth (bitch, are you gonna act, or fight?!), and confirms that she called him hot.
Panties are getting up, telling their screens to f.ck themselves and leaving. They are making placards and will fly to Hawaii to picket Atplenkov. Honestly? I might join them, because what? We can’t let LoHo be a woman without her needing to get her flirt on with McG? She needs to want to fk her boss in order to what?
What is the point of this storyline, Show? Unless she is going to tackle him and remove. His. Pants. And then declare TA DAAAAAA! I do not understand the point of this, or of her character just yet. And I want to, hard.
While these two are the only ones in the locker room, Daniel is outside Facebook stalking Doctor, and his Pompodour is limp because his BFFITWWW doesn’t need him. Thanks God that Don King is outside with him, fist bumping his pain and sorrow.
O, look! My panties just came running back to me; they have jumped in my lap and are saucer-eyed staring at my screen as McG’s hairless chest is walked forward by The FOY, out into the crowd.
For all intents and purposes, Alex O’Loughin has not eaten a carb in 39 days. I’m trying to sit on my laptop again. I might break it. Because holy F!CK ME HIS BACK.
If I were an extra on this show, I would have propelled myself at his body
and then slid right off because he is so vaseline-d, and then laid on the floor weeping at the beauty of his back, until the secrity people threw me out of Hawaii.
Daniel is with us, and the t-shirt worn by LoHo, he too is wearing. It is representative of The FOY (because it has three objects on it). TEAM THE FOY!!
Some fat dude’s in the cage. Eww.
McG calls for a mouth guard, and my left t!t raises her hand to volunteer.
Betchu Alex O’Loughlin is really excited about this, because it really is showcasing his SUPERIOR ACTING SKILLS. He takes a punch to the face and actually looks surprised and a little offended, which is hilarious and makes me laugh out loud.
My right b00b has now also raised her hand.
The best part of this scene?
The Fat Dude punches Alex on the left side of the face, and Alex falls over to the left. Side. Of. Himself.
48 hours earlier, a man is shot through the heart because he’s to blame; he gave love a bad name. So bad, that he was tied to a chair and dumped into a pool.
Hawaii 5-0 sings and I can tell this is going to be an awesome recap, because my b00bies are now waving at one another.