Agent Special K / Larisa Oleynik: On behalf of the Sisterhood, I would like for her to be s.xed by McG. (Larisa Oleynik, you are v welcome.)
“Cath” / Michelle Borth: Her and McG booty-call one another on the regular. Additionally, she misuses military equipment for a ride on The FOY. My kind of girl. (P.S. You really should catch her in Timer, a lovely little film where her character is brill.)
CHARLIE!! / Brian Yang: He is my personal favourite of all secondary characters. It doesn’t hurt that he’s a fox. I would perform two pilgrimages to Mecca if it meant that CHARLIE!! would become a regular s.xer of Kono. Also, CHARLIE!! is a lab man who knows much about everything.
Hero-Hiro-Max / Masi Oka: It’s HIRO! I love Hiro. Note above banner; he has always been an honourary 5-0 at Sardonic. If ever we met in real time, I would try to grapple a hug out of him and surely be punched in my hair by security.
Kamekona / Taylor Wily: He is a whale. A Shamu. A massive gigantic mountain of a man who plays with sock poppets and eats much shave ice. Additionally, he speaks v slowly and has trouble reading Daniel’s hand-writing. I wish to throw myself at his moobies and let the gods decide my fate.
Lauren German: Rumor has it that she is the new love interest of McG. I am v excited by this, and hoping that Lauren will help a sister out and remove McG’s pants. Additionally, she is sort of gorgeous and makes me green with much envy. Once we have seen her in S2, I will update this further.
Monkey / Teilor Grubbs: Daniel’s seed. She is the cutest child in the history of television shows, with close second Gracie-Belle (the prop / child to the Tami + Eric Taylor household on Friday Night Lights). She wears undershirts; I pray she will never turn into L a L o h a n.
Rac Hell** / Rachel / Claire van der Boom: Daniel’s ex-wife, momma bear to Monkey. I have greatly warmed to Rachel over the course of the season, if only because I love her real-life name and wish to be called van der Boom as well. Claire, will you marry me? I will take your last name. CALL ME!!
The above was written before she turned Daniel into a Mistress. As of end to Season 1, and much like the FOY, the Jury is hung on Rachel. If her redemption comes in S2, this will be further updated.
**Dear Claire van der Boom. This is the name by which the #FUCUPs have referred to your character since your v@dge re-seduced Mistress. Please note that we love you, though not so much your character.
SandMan-Sang Min / Will Yun Lee: At first, I too wished to smash an ashtray into SandMan’s handsome face. Over the course of Season 1, I came to greatly admire this character’s tenacity and loyalty to evil. That said, I wish he would trim his hair.
Sister McG / Taryn Manning: Bringing into McG’s life an element of human, she has disappeared because he has no time for gray. Or something. Maybe Taryn Manning’s just busy…dunno. Either way, she was an excellent character who should be brought back for more.
The Fountain of Youth: Is hidden in McG’s cargo pants, and often waves a little hello, sings a song, has a coffee. The uge.
Terry O’Quinn: He shall represent McG’s metaphorical poppa. I have only seen him in the extended preview and he makes McG smile a lot, which = panty crushing. What’s not to love? As with Lauren German, I will update this at a later time.
The Governor No 1, a Former Designing Woman / Jean Smart: She is McG’s metaphorical mummy but she has lunch with creepy criminaling murderers and was possibly being s.xed by Woah Fat. I mean, I don’t blame her on the later because: have y’all seen Woah Fat? S.x with this character would be like s.x with Satan, and I’ll try anything once. SATAN!! CALL ME!!
Turtles: They are everywhere in Hawaii and I weep with joy when @Plenkov decides to video them.
Victor Hesse / James Marsters: He, along with Woah Fat and The Governor, Designing Woman, belong to The Axis of H-50 Evil. That said, he is the only one within the Axis with whom McHero of My Underpants engages in epic a.smashing, making both boxers and panties sob with hysterical abandon. People keep saying he kicked Alex O’Loughlin in the testies. This makes me both v sad and wanting to pull Victor’s hair.
Woah Fat-Wo Fat / Mark Dacascos: He is beautiful. Woah Fat is to McG and The H-50 what Bin L.den is to The World. See above note re s.xing him = s.xing Satan. Fun Times Ahead!
The 5-0 Super Duper Tabletop Computer: I patiently await one of the 5-0s to get drunk, pull down their pants, sit on it and aim for a photo. Maybe even a reverse cowgirl, but just for fun.
The cars: There are so many, I have already lost track. All I know for certain is that they all come with br.asted lights.