This episode is titled THE PACKAGE, and I will surely stab myself in the heart with my carrots if Show doesn’t deliver. But not before I beat my drum, and solider march in a circle, as FUCUPs rattle and shake their cookarachas while simultaneously being splattered across walls, windows, and beneath desks.
READY.
SET.
GO.
Beautiful colours are splashing across my screen and I think someone’s playing some form of a ukulele. I like ukuleles, though not necessarily the men who play them.
Anyhoo, Show is peeping tom the Kamehameha Highway, and a truck with two human persons with peens between their legs. They have twelve stops to go, and the veteran driver is all I have been sleeping with the same woman for 25 years, and next week, I’m taking her to Vegas where I plan on leaving her behind, and the rookie is all 25 years! I can’t even commit to a regular poo-ing schedule, let alone a person!
If Show has taught us anything is that these two — who are awfully happy — are going to die DEAD. Or, at the very least, enter into a state of terror in the v near future.
A van rushes past them, throws down some spikes over which the drivers run and flatten their tires, before coming to a dead stop. They crack open the back and take what they came for; the stupid mother fkn rookie because MEN ARE SO DUMB AND YOU ARE NOT JASON BOURNE goes for something and gets his buddy shot DEAD.
So. Show has killed one, terrorised both. We are off to a lovely start.
Show uses Animal to bang out its beat.
Sidebar: Incidentally, if any of you spy an Animal t-shirt, please let me know. I have a Cookie Monster one, but am in desperate search for an Animal one. Love him.
OH! We are at McG Shangri La circa 1992, when McPanty Destroyer was only 16, and soon to lose Momma McG and then be shipped off. I like this. A lot.
So. Uhm. McG Teen looks nothing like McG Adult. In fact, all that is similar to McG Adult is the blue eyes / dark hair combo. McG Teen used to receive silicone injections in his mouth, and has since begun plucking his eyebrows.
Poppa McG is some kind of alcoholic who needs drink to tell his son that he’s sending both him and his sister away to the mainland. Poppa McG tells him that his primary concern is the safety of his children; that he may always trust TBG; and slips in a trick Q: do you like my coiffed hairstylings (because is that a mullet, FUCUPs?)?
The acting skills of Teen McG are as POETIC as those of Taylor Lautner. He acts by numbers. Prey he gets his own show so that I may stare in awe at my screen, while wondering why I didn’t actually go into acting after all…?
Cut to McG who is eyes.xing his rear view mirror and clenching his handsome devil jaw. I hope he doesn’t have temporomandibular joint disorder. He is in fact eyes.xing his rear-view mirror, spying on TBG who tries to enter a store currently closed. When he can’t get in, he starts walking down an alley, and McG is following him, without a care in the world because he must know he’s already been made. I mean, it’s TBG!
Also, McG is looking really mighty fine, see:
TBG calls him out, and McG wants to help TBG find Shell Burn, because as smart as McG is, he sometimes does not see the obvious writing in the sky that says stuff like TBG KNOWS WHO SHELL BURN IS, and REMOVE YOUR PANTS, and YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY LESBIANS.
Oh! There’s the first “son” of Show. TBG tells “son” to go home, but McG won’t have any of it, and neither will TBG. Some d!cks are thrown around and McG is saved by the bell. He takes a call while TBG takes a walk.
